Despite the popularity of said bundles of joy, babies are encountering some unprecedented competition when it comes to populating the planet. According to The Next Web, last year, more smartphones were sold than babies born. Sounds like the stork still hasn’t recovered from flying into a cell tower.
So why the sudden shift from baby bliss to mobile mania in the 21st century? The explanation can be found in seven specific reasons why smartphones are better than babies.
1. Smartphones are thing finders. Unlike their infant counterparts, smartphones help their owners search for a Starbucks, look up movie times, and discover the capital of Mongolia. Babies, on the other hand, are “thing hiders.” Can’t find your keys? Check your kid’s mouth.
2. Smartphones are friendship facilitators. Call, text, tweet, you name it. Smartphones help keep their owners connected. Place your cranky infant in an airplane, church service, movie theater, or restaurant and end all potential friendships within a 50-yard radius.
3. Smartphones are news sharers. Receive breaking news, the score of the game, or what Ryan Gosling ate for lunch at the tap of the screen. Tap a baby and watch what happens. …. Exactly.
4. Smartphones expel entertainment. Infants, on the other hand…
5. Smartphones are wallet friendly. Depending on your contract, you most likely pay around $1,000 a year for your brainy pocket pal. While there is no question kids are a long-term investment, a baby will eat up an estimated $12,000 of your bank account by his/her first birthday. Time to start saving for college!
6. Smartphones have an off button. Nothing like some uninterrupted shuteye while your phone silently charges next to you. Ah, sweet silence.
7. Smartphones preserve memories. As the pace of life continues to quicken, smartphones allow their owners to take photos, videos, and voice recordings to make moments tangible. Unlike babies, who grow faster than Santa’s mailbox in December, smartphones provide a reliable method for documenting each day. Smartphones are a trusty companion to their owners when baby takes her first step, rides a bike without training wheels, starts high school, and graduates from college.
The debate between babies and smartphones is one not easily resolved, but thankfully, both can live peacefully alongside one another (see photo). As long as babies are born and smartphones are sold, the human race will thrive and always know where to find the nearest Starbucks.
*Disclaimer: I am in no way opposed to babies. I will love and value my future children much more than my phone.